Passing the buck

IVAN has an older brother and three sisters. His aged, widowed father lives with him. His father helps out in his small hardware business.
With five children to feed and a business which isn’t turning in a healthy profit, Ivan finds it difficult to make ends meet.
When he asked his sisters to help out with their father’s living expenses, they were reluctant.
Older brother insisted that Ivan should take care of their father as he was working for him.
Eldest sister was willing to pay only RM50 a month, lamenting that she has no money. But she still manages to go for holidays in Thailand and China.
Second sister said she is financially tight because she has just bought a new Ford Ranger.
Youngest sister’s husband said: “Let the sons take care of the old man. That’s what sons are for. Daughters are married out already.”
This archaic thinking that only sons should take care of their aged parents is surprising in this modern age.
Is it just a convenient excuse for irresponsible daughters to wash their hands off their parents? What happens to those who have only daughters?
I am glad that my husband’s only sister and husband don’t subscribe to this school of thought. Since my father-in-law passed away, my mother-in-law has been living with them, not with one of her three sons.
It is a good arrangement I must say. My sister-in-law likes to travel and when she and her family are away, my husband and his brothers take turns to stay with mum.
My parents-in-law are quite traditionalist in their thinking but when it comes to the matter of preferring sons to daughters, they aren’t.
I remember what my late father-in-law said: “So what if it’s a girl? Are you going to throw her away?”
The Chinese tradition of hankering after sons for the sake of continuing the family lineage is not that widespread in this modern era.
In fact, those with daughters should count their blessings as the fairer gender have shown themselves to be better caregivers of aged parents – unless they turn out to be irresponsible misers like Ivan’s sisters.
That said, gender is no excuse to shirk responsibility to our parents. Sons or daughters alike should do their part to take care of their parents, each according to his or her ability and circumstances.
Someone once said: “One parent can take care of nine children, but nine children can’t take care of one parent.”
Granted, it is not easy to care for old people, especially if they are stubborn, opinionated, set in their ways and saddled with health challenges.
But we have a moral, if not religious, obligation to our parents no matter how difficult they are. By our actions, or lack of, we show an example to our own offspring.
I am reminded of the Petronas advertisement by Yasmin Ahmad which showed how a couple treated their old father.
They had set a table and chair out on the patio for the old man to dine on his own so that he wouldn’t dirty the dining area when he spills food and drinks.
When they saw how their children emulate their action in their playtime by setting a small table with plastic crockery for them to sit outside when they’re old, they realised their folly.
How we treat our parents will have an impact on how we are treated by our offspring.
At the end of the day, the golden rule applies: “Treat others as you would like others to treat you.”
Lydia Teh is a mother of four and author of seven books, including Honk! If You’re Malaysian and the latest The Wordy Tales of Eh Poh Nim comic. Send comments to lifestyle.lydia@thesundaily.com.