Don't blow your gasket

We love our children dearly, especially when they are behaving like little angels.
However, for those times when they seemed to have sprouted horns and intent on pushing our buttons, the warm affectionate feelings evaporate and you feel like blowing your gasket.
How can we stay calm and handle the situation in a manner that won’t cause us remorse later?
Let’s say, you come home frazzled from work to discover that your daughter is lounging in front of the TV watching K-pop.
She has not taken her shower after coming home from school. She has not brought in the laundry. Dirty dishes are stacked in the sink. Cups are strewn all over the coffee table.
You could feel steam building up in your body, and it’s about to erupt through your ears and nose, and you’re about to holler so loud that the Thais can hear you from across the border … Stop!
Now, visualise yourself as a concierge. You know, the friendly guy at the hotel who help guests make taxi reservations, book theatre tickets and such?
That is the recommendation of psychologist Erica Reischer in an article in Psychology Today.
But why a concierge? Isn’t that a tall order? These guys are super patient, always smiling and helpful, and nothing seems to ruffle their feathers, not even when their guests ask them to pluck a flower from the top of Mount Kinabalu …
That is exactly why we should imagine ourselves as a concierge.
These paragons of patience won’t be yelling at their guests: “Whaddaya mean, you want the red flower instead of the purple? Do you know how hard it is to climb Mount Kinabalu to get this flower for you?”
Instead, they’d be smiling and saying: “Of course, Ma’am. I will go climb Mount Kinabalu again to pluck the red flower,” and in such an apologetic manner that you wish to tip them double for their superb service.
Of course, if these same words were uttered in a brusque tone, you won’t be tipping them anytime at all.
According to Reischer, a concierge has three weapons up his sleeve that we could use to help us keep our cool: composure, empathy and the right tone.
For the above scenario with your daughter, you put on your concierge persona and tell her: “Honey, I am very disappointed with you for not doing your chores and for bumming around.
“But I’m not going to yell at you. I know you just want to take a break but this K-pop show is so interesting that you let the time get away from you.
“Now that mummy is home to remind you, you go bring in the laundry now, clear up this mess on the table, do the dishes and take your shower.
“If you don’t do all this in half an hour, you will be banned from TV like, forever and your phone will be confiscated till you turn 21.
“Now, go do your work and let mummy rest on this nice sofa for a while.”
Remember, don’t raise your voice. You don’t have to smile when you’re giving her your ultimatum, you’re her mother, not a saint.
But do maintain a cordial tone. How you say something is just as important as what you say, so don’t ruin your concierge act with a harsh tone.
A tall order? Better this than climbing Mount Kinabalu, right?

Lydia Teh is a mother of four and author of eight books, including the latest, Still Honking - More Scenes from Malaysian Life. Send comments to lifestyle.lydia@thesundaily.com.