Freespace - Is marriage really for you?

HAVE you ever been to a wedding or a large family function and have an elderly woman ask, "Are you married?" with a twinkle in her eye? It's likely you were initially resentful at the question and then maybe you were relieved when you could answer "yes".
When I was younger, I was resentful. Now, I usually laugh and say, "I am waiting for you to be available!" or "Aunty, is that a proposition? This is too sudden!" This sometimes leads to uncomfortable giggles, but serves them right, to my mind.
What is it about marriage that most people think they need to be in one? What is so shining and glitzy about it that draws people to it, like a magpie to a sparkling object?
I have seen some great marriages. Some husbands opening doors for their wives when they are well into their 60s. Some husbands and wives go out dancing even when they are in their 70s. And some partners care for their ailing spouses in their golden years and ending bereft when their partner is consumed by time once again.
These examples are one in a 50 though. Examples of incredibly bad partnerships are more common. Husbands who listen to their mothers instead of their wives, mothers who manipulate their children, marital laws being used as weapons when relationships become bitter. What is supposed to be an institutional pillar of society is often just a facade. In 2014, it was reported that there is a marriage breakdown every 10 minutes in Malaysia. Something to pine for? Really?
A lovely friend of mine rushed into marriage some years ago. She was marrying her childhood sweetheart. Notwithstanding this long-standing relationship, up to the point of the wedding, she still expressed doubts. Within a year or so, they were divorced.
Another person I know, who also married his childhood sweetheart, was advised by his concerned mother, just before walking up the aisle, that it was not too late to turn back. He still went ahead with the wedding and within a year, they were divorced, with a baby to boot.
Isn't this sad? What is it about marriage that causes people to "encourage" others to get into it? What is it about marriage that causes people to view those who don't have it as "lesser"?
My former lecturer in the UK stated on Facebook, "Is it that for some very religious people, marriage saves them from their own insecurities by providing a banner stating 'I am alright' and that the state of marriage means, 'I have gravitas, commitment, validation, kudos and I am a goodly person.'"
And I think this is it. People, religious or not, have such gaping holes in their lives, that they believe marriage will save them. Take a step back to the teenage years. Everyone is longing for a boyfriend or a girlfriend. They think this will make them happy. But once obtained, it doesn't.
Then what will? Obviously, holy matrimony. Marriage will lead them from boredom to peace. But of course, it doesn't. So what next? Children. Once having begotten a brood, they realise that everything is a sham. That hole is still there. In fact, it probably is an abyss.
Marriage cannot ease your insecurities. The only thing that can give you that fulfilment is you. For some, it is God, but this cannot happen if the individual isn't ready or willing. So in the end, it is up to the individual.
So let us give marriage its due sanctity. The way we view marriage now is practically how we view food. Stop, eat, discard, next! If we're not careful, it will soon be on the menu at your neighbourhood stall.
Daniel freelances in writing and fitness training, and has a deep passion for health. Comments: letters@thesundaily.com