Already something the Mata

IT hasn't taken him long. Before a ball has been kicked in competitive anger, the Special One has hit the ground... snarling. In that inimitable way of his, he has renewed ancient hostilities and opened new wounds, while killing off any daft notion that to secure the United job he had to agree to behave like a choirboy.
The hooking of Juan Mata inevitably grabbed the headlines – even from Zlatan – but the Portuguese Man O' War was firing broadsides before that. He had resumed his eternal conflict with Arsene Wenger and taken a side swipe at Jurgen Klopp over transfer fees.
The earlier humiliation of Bastian Schweinsteiger outraged Bayern Munich and riled the players union, Fifpro, sufficiently for one member to demand he be given a three-year jail sentence. He blatantly mocked Claudio Ranieri on the eve of their Community Shield clash and even took aim at his former mentor, Louis van Gaal.
So, what to make of this pre-emptive belligerence? Was he angered that the dastardly agent had delayed the Pogba deal yet again? Was it the mere sight of that weather-beaten gargoyle at Arsenal that he hates so much? Or is it simply that as his hair whitens and his fuse shortens, he cannot help but become the Cantankerous One?
Tangling with Wenger is a bit like the vampire reaffirming its distaste for garlic, but Klopp constituted the opening of a new front. You suspect that encounter will be a bit of a phoney war – and a lot of fun – although any self-respecting United manager should feel it prudent to establish a DMZ between himself and Anfield.
But he opened up on much of Europe as well, accusing "certain countries" of "hypocrisy". And it all started with a pre-match press conference in which he was actually lauding Leicester City: Spain, Italy and Germany becoming collateral damage as he complimented the English League system.
In any reasonably lengthy Mourinho tirade, there is invariably a colourful choice of words – eggs, omelettes, little horses, milk, buses and 'a specialist in failure' all still resonate - and on this occasion he didn't disappoint. He claimed in some countries certain football hierarchies "look like the Mother Theresa of football but are very different."
Of the so-called blessed nations, Germany was most put out by Schweinsteiger's treatment, Bayern president Karl-Heinz Rummenigge suggesting that "no one would want to join a club that treats players like this." But as with Mata, there was method in his ruthlessness.
The players say that Mourinho has been much friendlier and more involved than his predecessor - by all accounts, not a herculean task. But he has always been a Jekyll and Hyde – matey and considerate to his acolytes, an unforgiving tyrant to dissenters.
He took the trouble to visit Wayne Rooney at England's pre-Euro camp to reassure him he was in his plans, personally intervened to convince Ibrahimovic to join, and ensured David de Gea didn't harbour thoughts of eloping to Real Madrid. So he may have felt the need to balance this cuddliness by reminding them that he can also be a b*stard. And the World Cup-winning captain fitted the bill for sacrificial lamb perfectly.
A consummate trophy winner, Schweinie had had a poor season under Van Gaal. A shadow of the player the Dutchman remembered from 2009-2011 at Bayern, he was ineffective, injured half the time and seemingly uninterested. Indeed, he annoyed the rest of the squad with his disappearances as his romance with tennis star Ana Ivanovic blossomed. But surely they didn't think he'd rather room with Michael Carrick?
So by banishing him to the stiffs, Mourinho has at a stroke shown reputations mean nothing and probably gained popularity by punishing the player for whom the rest of the squad would have the least sympathy.
But Mata may be a different story – and perhaps the first time he's put a foot wrong. A universally popular player – his substitution was booed and he received the loudest cheers when he held the trophy aloft. And the reason was so spurious – three inches of height that replacement Henrikh Mkhitaryan has over him to defend at corners. Indeed, it might well back fire.
Fans, never mind the watching Fergie and Bobby Charlton, were not impressed as it was unnecessary and over the top. Maybe he just doesn't like the Spaniard or simply wants to help him through the exit door. But it was a clumsy, costly way of making a point.
So this is what United fans are going to get – no discernible pattern of play but an all-too-familiar patter to accompany victory. Rooney, red faced and cheeks puffing, seemed to be helping solve the attacking conundrum by playing himself out of contention while the lively Jesse Lingard was playing himself into it.
Eric Bailly looked quick and energetic but likely to collect a lot of cards. With Mkhitaryan and Pogba to come into midfield, United will improve but there is much work to do. For Leicester, Ahmed Musa looked like Vardy 2.0 and those two in tandem will take some stopping.
A top eight finish looks possible which will not be anything for Ranieri to be ashamed of – even if it doesn't match Mourinho. "I have my career and he has his. I wouldn't change mine with his, but... unbelievable achievement," Mourinho said of the Italian. He didn't want the Dutchman's either. "My teams are different to Mr Van Gaal, and it is a difficult situation to change the dynamics," he said. "It would be easier for me to have 20 new players and start from zero."
Stroppier than ever, Mourinho will be tolerated if he brings major trophies along with a bit of style back to Old Trafford; if he doesn't, his modus operandi will once again ensure that his stay will be on the short side.