Tips on how to be effective parents

CONSULTANT paediatrician Dr Shalini Shanmugam from Columbia Asia Hospital, Petaling Jaya, offers some parenting tips for young parents trying to do their best to raise their children.
Shalini was speaking at the recent launch of Kao’s Parenthood Day.
The paediatrician emphasises that there is no secret formula on how to be a good parent.
“Sometimes, new parents just need reminders to handle stressful periods when they have their first child,” says Shalini (pix).
“We are more on nuclear families now. We don’t have that much family support.”
She added that today’s parents have to rely a lot more on helpers, babysisters and daycare as the grandparents are not around to help.
“That kind of support system is very different from before,” says Shalini. “Because of that, parents are sometimes ‘detached’ [from their offspring] because someone else is taking care of their child.”
However, she stresses that it is important for parents to find out what is going on with their child, especially when the child is being cared for by someone else.
“Find out what the child is eating, find out how the child is doing, and so on,” she said.
She also points out the importance of parents finding time to bond with their children because this is important to grow the relationship between parent and child.
“Every day is important. Every stage of development for the child is also very important.
“But nowadays, everyone is busy with gadgets, and quality time is greatly reduced.”
Shalini shared a few ways parents can connect with their child.
“It really depends on the age of the child.
“For very young children, you should play with them, read books to them.
“If they are already school-going, you should look at their work, talk to them about their friends.
“If they are teenagers, you should talk to them, find out what they are doing during their free time so that they don’t fall under bad influences, what their hobbies are, and so on.”
She believes that parents should not try to be their children’s friends, and be strict when it comes to setting boundaries.
That being said, Shalini also feels that parents must have an open line of communication with their children.

“If they do something wrong, you should not threaten them. [Instead] explain to them why it is wrong, and then, maybe mete out punishment ithat is due.”
She concludes that talking to your children and explaining the consequences of their actions are an important step and better option when it comes to parenting children.