When we are children, we believe the first friends we make are our friends forever. The reality is that friends do drift apart.
Despite our best efforts, sometimes we lose contact with old friends over the years. However, sometimes they do reunite with a stronger friendship bond.
Here’s what you can do to maintain and strengthen your current friendships.
Remember what brought you together
Remembering why you became friends in the first place can help make your friendship with each other last. Talking about the history you have together, the inside jokes, cringy stories and the bad times you’ve weathered together can help to remind each other why you’re good friends.
This is one of the many reasons why it’s important, and also fun to reminisce about good times with your friends.
All the things you have experienced together will make you and your friend realise how important it is to have each other.
Avoid social comparisons
The death of friendships comes knocking when we start comparing ourselves to our friends. Comparisons can only breed jealousy and rivalry, which do not form a good foundation for friendship.
When you’re in different life stages, it can feel like you’re left behind, or you’re not doing as well as your friend. Instead of thinking about what you don’t have, think about how you can improve yourself and grow together with your friend.
You can even ask your friend for input and guidance. Work together – and not against each other.
Make time for new memories
A great way to keep the friendship bond exciting is to make time to create new memories together. A fun way to start is to try new activities with friends. This gives everyone an opportunity to catch up with one another while having much-needed leisure time away from work.
Don’t be disheartened when you can’t do things together spontaneously just like in your teen years. Maintaining friendships as an adult now requires planning ahead of time to sync schedules.
Reach out and don’t assume
Don’t assume your friend who has children of her own won’t want to hang out. Chances are, your friend is dying for another adult friend to talk to. Instead of assuming, be the one to reach out and ask out your busy momma friend.
It’ll be nice if you offer to help them out if they decide to bring their children along too.
After all, friends help one another, and it’s better to bond with her children now, if you want to see more of your friend.
Deal with friendship conflicts
It’s normal to have conflicts with friends now and then because we are all individuals with personalities of our own. The key to a lasting friendship is the ability to resolve conflicts together and letting resentments go. It’s an important skill to have because you may lose a really good friend if the conflict can’t be resolved.
During tough conversations, remember to listen and to speak without judgement. It’s important for both sides to be able to share their perspectives so they can find out and understand the reason why the other person behaved the way they did.
It also helps to see the bigger picture, apologise and move on.
Be open to change
You may have been besties for years, but there will come a day where the both of you will build your own lives. One of you could be starting a family first or moving away to another city.
Whatever the circumstances are, you must be open to change. It can help to focus on the advantages of your current life stage.
You might find that you enjoy the flexibility to do what you want, whenever you want, and it doesn’t mean the bond with your friend is ending.
It’s normal to have different groups of friends
As we go through various stages of our life, we’ll pick up different groups of friends along the way. In case no one told you – yes, you can still keep your old friends while making new ones.
The best thing about this is that it helps everyone to expand their friendship circles – including you. Different friends can expose and encourage us to try new things and activities together. The new experience with new friends just makes life richer.
Show appreciation
When we become too familiar and comfortable with our friends, we may take them for granted and forget to show gratitude. To foster long-lasting and genuine friendships, make sure to let them know how important they are to you.
This can also be shown via small actions such as supporting our friends when they’re feeling down, spending quality time together and be genuinely curious to know how they’re doing.
Be compassionate and kind
Your close friends may be used to your bluntness but it’s still important to remember to be compassionate and not overly critical when they confide in you.
This doesn’t mean you have to sugarcoat everything. An important quality in a good friend is the ability, to be honest without being cynical.
As a good friend, you have to call them out on their poor behaviour, but do it with kindness and love. Just like how the saying goes, people remember how we made them feel, and not what we did right.
Be a positive force
It’s not realistic to be positive all the time, but nobody wants to be around someone who’s negative on a daily basis. What we can do is to keep an open and pragmatic outlook on life and be kinder to one another.
Cheer on your friends for the successes they achieve, take interest in their latest projects and show care when they’re feeling down.
Most importantly, we must take care of our own wellbeing first, before we can be a positive force to someone else.
Just like this quote from the comic Calvin & Hobbes: “I will take care of myself for you and you’ll take care of yourself for me.”
This article was first published in theSun Buzz International Friendship Day edition. If you need more ideas on how to spend time with your friends, check out this list of movies celebrating the spirit of friendship and how these celebrities stay friends for a long time. Also, our readers have already made plans with their friends once the pandemic ends!
