Off the Cuff - Arshad’s 55 years of marital bliss

FOR the first time ever, I was invited to a couple's 55th or emerald jubilee on New Year's day. It's a feat all happy couples dream of achieving but it will remain a dream unless one is blessed with good health, long life and marital bliss.
The singular honour belongs to former senior civil servant and educationist extraordinaire Tan Sri Arshad Ayub and his wife, Puan Sri Zaleha Mohd Arshad.
Hundreds of friends and family members, including from overseas, graced the dinner at Sime Darby Convention Centre. And what made it extra special was the night's entertainment of dances and songs were performed by Arshad's seven children and 29 grandchildren.
A number of family members and old friends as well as Zaleha took to the stage to say their piece about the long-lasting union, but the audience was anxiously waiting for Arshad to "tell all".
Arshad, now 87 with his wife 11 years his junior, began by telling why he chose to get married just two days before the end of 1960. "We got married on Dec 29 so that I could claim income tax exemption the following year," he told the audience who broke into applause and laughter.
Arshad could sense that the audience was anxious to know how he met his wife and ended his bachelorhood at the late age of 32. Those days people usually married early.
He pursued his further studies at the Agriculture College in Serdang and the University of Malaya in Singapore in the late 1950s.
He met Zaleha on his first civil service posting to Penang as an economics officer of the Department of Trade and Industry. Zaleha then was a staff at the Post Office.
Both acted part-time in radio dramas broadcast over Radio Malaya.
"Mind you, at 32 years old I was one of Penang's most eligible bachelors," he said.
On a serious note, Arshad, who hails from Muar in Johor, spoke of his family's poverty and how as a boy, he had survived bouts of malaria and typhoid, both killer diseases in those days.
"I started life with zero and I'm not going to beg or be arrogant," said Arshad, who's one of the most humble individuals that I have met.
Then he "lectured" on his long marriage and the secret to such an enduring union. Arshad said all marriages went through trials and tribulations but couples should not allow differences to be blown out of proportion.
"When I had differences or arguments with my wife, normally either I or she had to walk away for a cooling-off period."
He advised couples going through trying times to recall their marriage vows as well as the prayers of well-wishers on their wedding day.
I asked Arshad if he agreed that ego, too, plays a big part in failed marriages.
"Yes, you are right," he responded.
Arshad said the source of joy and sadness of his marriage snowballs around his children and grandchildren.
He paid a glowing tribute to his wife who single-handedly supervised the education of their seven children and attended all their convocations, locally and abroad. Because of his public duties, he was able to attend only two such events.
The names of his five boys and two girls also reflect his and wife's initials A and Z, namely Azmi, Azhari, Azrina, Azmir, Azlin, Azlan and Azman. Azlan, his sixth child was born in Switzerland during the one year he was there at a business school.
Arshad stressed on the importance of savings and cited his own example. He saved for his children's education from the time of their birth and insisted that they do the same.
His forte was investing in land while his income from his involvement in several companies post-retirement went into acquisition of shares that he would bequeath mostly to charitable causes.
Arshad also told me about his big break in public service when in 1965 he was introduced to then Prime Minister Tun Abdul Razak, who tasked him with being the first director of Institut Teknologi Mara (now Universiti Teknologi Mara).
For his contributions to the cause of higher education, Arshad has achieved perhaps what no other Malaysian had – he bagged a dozen honorary doctorates from local and foreign universities.
He now devotes his time to a foundation named after him. The Yayasan Arshad Ayub is testimony of his great belief in life's second chances and the universal value of returning a favour or "membalas budi" as the Malay saying goes.
Set up in 2008, it focuses on the development of human capital and is Arshad's way of expressing gratitude for the bountiful opportunities and favours granted to him throughout his illustrious and remarkable journey in life. It provides scholarships, study loans and placements in institutions of learning to needy students.
The foundation's chairman, Tan Sri Mohd Ibrahim, said: "Arshad is the guiding light of the foundation. His 'yes' is a yes and his 'no' is a no. Nothing in between."
Datuk Muhamad Fasri, another old friend, happily added: "He is a man beyond comparison. His life is one of true service, to family, friends and the nation."
Summing it all up, Arshad said: "These 55 years have been a great blessing in my life. Ever since we first met, we have worked hard to build a family centred on caring and love."
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