Q: Our family schedules has always been hectic but the past year they have become worse. Whether I am working from home or at the office, I often do not finish until at least 6pm. Then, I have to prepare dinner while the hungry crew waits impatiently or do their own thing. How can we make family meals a priority in our busy schedules?
Focus on the Family Malaysia: Start by acknowledging that as a working mum with a busy family, you are not positioned to serve up the kind of family dinners your great-grandmother produced, and that is okay. Do not give up – consider changing your strategy and approaching the problem from a different angle.
Remember that shared meals do not have to occur during dinner time or your hectic work week. Sometimes, this is not feasible. Aim to manage three family meals a week. You can achieve this by adjusting your plans to include weekends and other mealtimes. A little creativity and ingenuity can compensate for your lack of time.
One way to do this is to prepare a large number of meals beforehand. Numerous cookbooks and websites offer practical tips for planning and preparing meals in bulk, such as the Once-A-Month Cooking series by Mary Beth Lagerborg and Mimi Wilson.
You can also subscribe to services offering customised meal plans, recipes and corresponding shopping lists, thus reducing the stress of meal preparation and allowing you to prioritise the relational aspect of mealtimes.
If you are not keen on planning too far ahead, consider simplifying your approach to dinner. The evening meal does not have to be elaborate. The goal is simply to carve out some family time around the table.
Q: My wife is a beautiful woman. While I believe she does not need makeup, when we go out, I feel she wears too much, which hides her innate beauty. I have tried to drop subtle hints that she is prettier with less but she does not seem to get it. Should I keep my mouth shut or be more direct?
Focus on the Family Malaysia: My friend, you would be wise to tread carefully here. Matters of appearance are highly personal – for men and women – and they are tied closely to our sense of identity. Furthermore, while honesty is essential in a marriage, it is also critical to respect boundaries and your spouse’s feelings.
When dealing with delicate issues such as this, first determine what the real issue is. In your case, that means you need to examine your motives carefully.
Is the energy here about your preferences or how your wife’s appearance makes you feel? Or are you truly seeking her best interest: trying to encourage her in how she feels about herself or helping her understand how others may misperceive her?
If an honest assessment points the finger back at you, I strongly recommend that you keep your opinions to yourself – unless your wife asks for or invites them. If she does, limit your feedback to positive reinforcement, highlighting those things about her appearance that you appreciate.
On the other hand, if she shares some doubts or insecurity about her clothes or makeup, you may gently offer some suggestions – again, primarily affirming the things she already does that you find attractive.
Make sure to compliment her when she is not wearing makeup. If she expresses an interest in a session or two with a beauty consultant, gladly foot the bill as your unconditional gift to her.
Bottom line: value and guard the beauty of your wife’s heart above all else.
This article is contributed by Focus on the Family Malaysia, a non-profit organisation dedicated to supporting and strengthening the family unit. It provides a myriad of programmes and resources, including professional counselling services, to the community. For more information, visit family.org.my. Comments: letters@thesundaily.com
